November 14, 2011

Okay, just for the record, this is not a political statement. This actually happened to me while I was at work last night. I thought you might get a kick out of it.

A dark blue pick-up truck pulled into the lot and came to a stop right beside of the guard house where I was working. A man of about sixty-five to sixty-eight years of age stepped slowly out of the truck as I walked up to ask him the standard questions concerning what business he had at the site, identification, etc. He was a wiry man with white hair, a wispy white goatee and the most inquisitive eyes I have seen on a man of his age. His face was heavily wrinkled but his attitude was definitely that of a much younger man.

"Miss, I was a wonderin' if you all might need any more security guards around here. I have a lot of snow on the roof but there's still plenty of fire in this old furnace!"

I responded by telling him the coal company itself did not hire the guards and gave him the contact information for the security firm that employs us. I also suggested that he might want to do the same type of work in another environment that would be indoors such as a mall or department store.

"I started to stop here a few times to inquire about work but it wasn't 'til tonight that I took the time to come on in here. I saw you walking out there and I just figured you wouldn't shoot me for asking a question. You got far too pretty of a face to be shooting people for asking questions." At that point I was guessing he had been a farmer because he was great at spreading around manure.

I was giggling and the gentleman started to talk about next year's election and how people on social security were finally getting a cost of living increase this coming January. As my mood turned more serious he asked, "I bet you're pretty good in the kitchen ain't ya?"

I answered with, "Well, I do know my way around the kitchen. I can confess to that."

He immediately responded with, "You ever make republican puddin?"

I was back to giggling. "No sir, I can't say that I have."

"Well girl, you take about a cup of boiled white rice and add about a pint of real milk. Don't use that skim milk crap that don't even leave a ring in the glass when you're done. Then you add in about a cup of sugar and some butter. I would say about two heaping tablespoons of butter ought to do the trick. Before you serve it, you mix up some democrat sauce to spoon over it and make the portions small, you wouldn't want to overdo that stuff. It's powerful."

"Democrat sauce, Sir?" I asked.

"I'll explain this a bit more in a minute but I learned this recipe from an old hillbilly. Anyway, to make the democrat sauce you need some good Wisconsin cheese sautéed in prune juice."

"Oh, that doesn't sound good to me!" I complained.

He laughed and said, "It's a sure thing for binding you to the party but keeping you as loose as a goose!"

He took the time to explain that during a previous period of economic distress the government had subsidized Wisconsin dairy farmers and in return had obtained tons of cheese they distributed as commodities to people in need of food stamps. He didn't give me any time to reply as he climbed up into his truck. He was laughing so hard he could barely get himself positioned behind the steering wheel. I watched him until he was out of sight and he was laughing until he was completely out of my view.

I thought this job was going to be boring.......

© Dianna Doles Petry