Guard House Reflections

3/25/12

Guard House Reflections

Annoying Sales Associates

It’s Sunday night and I’m on duty. The night is quiet except for rain drops tapping against the window panes. In the distance the red lights of railroad crossing arms flicker and from here they are blurred into a fuzzy red line that reminds me of the red correction marks my high school English teacher used in class to show us what needed to be studied.

Moments earlier the train jerked forward almost violently before slowing to start off in the opposite direction. That movement sparked thoughts of life experiences and how quickly things can change. I guess we all have everyday life experiences that annoy us or threaten to drive us mad if we give in to the unexpected.

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to my son on the telephone and during the course of the conversation he said, “Mom, sometimes I feel like I don’t do enough for my customers but there are a few customers that make me wish I could strangle them or hang myself.”

My son is a recent college graduate now working at Sears. The job has nothing at all to do with his chosen field but it is an honest job and he is meeting quite a few interesting people. He is also working with a real estate company to film property in a favorable light for potential clients and an insurance company doing goodness only knows what. He is frustrated that he went to college and can’t find one good paying job that would cover his expenses and student loans.

He mentions some of his customers as if they were neighbors living close to him as he grew up. He frets when an elderly person has a heavy package to carry and he is always concerned that people are standing in line too long. He cannot understand why some people expect far more from sales people than others do.  When he voiced his concerns to me I replied, “Son, you’re doing your best.” I meant that sincerely because I know he really is giving his best to his job.

I confess there has been many times over the years when I’ve stood in a store and been a totally frustrated customer because finding a sales associate was next to impossible. In fact, finding a hen with a mouth full of teeth would have been easier most of the time. I won’t even mention the time I considered stripping off to stand naked with a T-bone steak tied around my neck to get someone to help me carry a Christmas tree out of the store.

Then there are the overly dedicated sales people like the one I found in a chain outfit store this past week. I would hide myself away from the public if I ever thought my son had turned into this type of creature.

I walked into the store with the intention of checking the new models of lawn mowers and as well as their pricing. I was barely into the store when a sales person stepped in front of me and blocked my path. I’m telling you, this guy was like a dog in heat. He could barely contain himself. “Is there anything I can help you with today? I’m sure I can be of assistance to you. How about if I just walk along with you and answer any questions you might have today?”  I can only assume the man gets a commission on any sales he makes.

I’m also taking a wild guess that he picked me out of the customers on hand as the one most likely to make a purchase. Maybe geriatric citizens using walkers to get around can’t carry much or maybe he is intimidated by the men with cut off t-shirts, tattoos, and baseball caps. I’m not sure but for whatever reason I guess he thought a woman dressed in blue jeans and worn sneakers who hadn’t had time to put on make-up or style her hair was there to lay down some real money.

To be honest, for a minute there he was so excited about helping me that I looked down to make sure I didn’t have a boob hanging out or a hundred dollar bill pinned to my ample assets.  “No, thank you,” I replied to him without looking him straight in the eye. “I’m just browsing today and I’ll be fine.  I appreciate your offer though.”

I started to walk toward the lawn and garden area of the store and once again the sales person blocked my path. In fact, he jumped in front of me so fast and hard his feet made a thud sound when they hit the floor.  “Now just let me know if you need anything at all.” He nearly sang this proclamation while wearing a full face smile that was as fake as any three dollar bill. About the only thing missing from his act was a bee-gum hat and claw hammer coat.

I stepped to the side and continued to walk toward my destination. He walked behind me and proceeded to stand directly behind me while I looked at lawn mowers and accessories that go with them. If I paused for a short time to read an information pamphlet about one of the machines he seized the opportunity to tell me how great the product is, how long it would be on sale, and how many of that particular item was left in stock. According to him, the store didn’t appear to have more than two of anything and would probably be closed due to lack of inventory by early evening if the pensioners got checks that day and showed up to buy supplies.

I was beginning to feel like a jewel thief attempting to heist diamonds at that point. I looked at the salesman and asked in a quizzical tone, “You do realize that none of these machines would fit in my purse don’t you?”

“You’re a funny one, Miss.” He folded his arms across his chest and continued.”We just want to please our customers and we offer all the support we can to make sure each customer is satisfied.” He winked at me and that’s when I noticed the small finishing hammer hanging from a belt loop on his trousers.

“So you like to do carpentry work? I was just noticing your hammer. If you are supposed to be in another area of the store I understand. I’ll be fine here.”

I am sure I saw dollar signs flash though the pupils of his eyes as he winked and started to move closer to me and whisper, “We can give some discounts on floor displays if they have dings or scratches. I’ll help you all I can if you buy one of these displays.”

He looked up and down the aisle before using his hammer to make a nice sized dent in the deck of the mower he had seen me looking at very closely.  He turned and winked at me again. I’m surprised I didn’t have a hissy-fit right there in the store but I retained my composure and headed for the exit doors so I wouldn’t do the man bodily harm.

I didn’t buy a lawn mower but then I hadn’t planned to make a purchase that day when I went into the store. I definitely wouldn’t have bought one from that sales associate. I found it unnerving that he was stalking me and trying to pressure me into making a purchase.

Sometimes I just want to go into the store and get what I need and leave. At other times I want to walk around and take my time to get new ideas and maybe price materials I plan to purchase in the near future.  I don’t want to have someone breathing down my back the whole time I’m in the store.

Then as I was leaving the store there was another sales person near the door. “I’m glad we could be of service to you today. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“As a matter of fact, there is,” I exclaimed. You can help me get our government back into the hands of the people. Make sure you vote!” I said with the biggest smile I could muster.

That was far more lady-like for me to say than what I was really thinking about what they could do for me!

©Dianna Doles Petry

Guard House Thoughts 3/11/2012

Guard House Thoughts
3/11/2012

Here I sit in the guard house again with too much time for thinking. It is a peaceful night with a few sprinkles of rain tapping against the windows sporadically. Frogs are croaking in the distance and traffic has slowed at the evening hours travel toward the beginning of a new day.

I leave a journal here in the guard house for anyone who wishes to write in it. I share many of my thoughts in this journal as well as keeping one of my own. Tonight as I read a few entries that had been written since my last shift my thoughts turned to the movie Forrest Gump. It has been several years since that movie premiered but I think nearly everyone remembers the line; “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.”

When I get a box of chocolates it has a little printed diagram on the inside of the lid to the box. By using the diagram it is possible to find your favorite candies and avoid those you haven’t tried or know you don’t like. The chocolates all sit there together in the box but they are all different. They also have no choice in who gets to eat them or if they get eaten at all. Life doesn’t come with a diagram or directions. Would it be better if it did?

We don’t get to pick our family, many of our life experiences, or our DNA. From the moment we are born we operate on a sort of auto-pilot. Instinct plays a large part in every life. Some people are attracted to light hair and some prefer darker shades. Everyone has a preference when it comes to food, colors, and hobbies and either we are driven to succeed or content just to get through each day as it comes.

We do get to make choices but very often they are choices made without full knowledge of what we are choosing. We can’t see the future, we don’t always know about someone else’s past, and we are all eager to find at least one little something in each day that gives us a reason to smile or have that warm and fuzzy feeling of contentment when we close our eyes at night.

Basic courtesy and respect for each other seems to have vanished. We have become so intent on chasing a dollar or finding the love of a lifetime that we seem to have forgotten how to appreciate each other or respect the needs of others to have privacy or moments of emotional upheaval. Maybe we have just become blind to the obvious or maybe we all just try too hard. I think a lot of us set our standards so high that it’s impossible for anyone to meet them. I guess we all need to learn how to get past our own preconceived notions of what life SHOULD be and explore all the possibilities of life COULD be.

Last evening I watched a movie I normally would not have chosen. I tend to avoid movies that will make me cry like a blubbering whale. I tend to avoid movies that make me risk wetting my pants when some hideous creature grabs an unsuspecting victim even though there was music playing that should have warned them. I tend to avoid anything that is too realistically gory or painful and I definitely avoid movies with sappy endings! Thinking about it right now, I tend to avoid movies of all types these days but that is another matter entirely.

At any rate, this movie, “The Way,” did not have a single love scene or high speed car chase. There was no profanity and no sexy leading man to make my heart throb with thoughts I will not share here.  Martin Sheen played the lead role of Tom, a father who loses his only son in a tragic accident in France. When he goes to identify the remains and bring the body back home he changes his mind and decides instead to complete a pilgrimage his adult son had started.

This journey changes Tom’s life and the way he has viewed life up to that point. One of the last things his son had said to him before leaving on his trip was, “You don’t choose a life, you live one.” By the end of the pilgrimage, Tom knew his son had been right all along. It is a strange twist in life that when something we love is taken from us we really start to appreciate what we have always had but failed to see.
I have often dreamed of taking a cross country trip to explore different places and experience new things. I enjoy meeting new people and learning how other people live and no one would know anything about me or the life I’ve lived that has made me who I am today. I would be just another tourist checking out the sites and striking up conversations.

The truth is; I could start expanding my world right here. I could ignore the little diagrams in the box of chocolates and just sample all the pieces instead of sticking with the tried and true. If I wasn’t so sure of what I like I might find a delightful new flavor. I could open my eyes and my heart to the people around me and be more receptive if I could let my armor down just a little bit.

There are at least three employees here who have lost a child to death. That is a blow you never fully get over and yet you have no choice but to continue living. As the song goes, whatever you survive only makes you stronger. Sometimes it is just not easy to comprehend that others feel the same pain you feel or experience the same events you experience. Just knowing there are other people like you does not make your own feelings any less intense.

I’m positive the people I work with have all experienced a vast array of life changes and emotional highs and lows. Love and heartbreak, profound joy and soul shattering sadness, knowing the peak of health and fitness and the decline of the body and capability, success and failure, all dance with each one of us at some point. We are like those pieces of candy in a box. We are all gathered here together but we’re all different.
Why don’t we just try to be polite and kind to each other because we all have different mountains to climb? Why don’t we start to accept ourselves for what we are and let go of those ideas about what would make someone else a better person?

There is no such thing as perfection,
We’re all human, we all have flaws,
Instead of fighting a useless battle,
We could stand together for a cause.

I once thought I needed to be blonde,
Younger, richer, thinner, I never felt quite right,
Then I heard a whisper; I mattered to someone,
I felt beautiful and desired that night.

Now I’ve got some age behind me,
But I can still give and receive love,
I know I can make a difference,
For each day of life I thank God above.


I think I’ll find the movie Forrest Gump and watch it again soon. Forrest was a person born to this world with little hope of becoming a success but he saw simple pleasures and truths most people overlook. He also overlooked a lot of things most people see. My life is forever changing and maybe it really is like a box of chocolates after all.

© Dianna Doles Petry

Letter for my Father

Letter for my Father

The hours were painful and long,

Sitting at the side of your bed,

Reliving years of memories,

Leaving nothing left unsaid.

Your once strong hands feeble,

I was afraid to touch,

So I whispered softly in your ear,

Dad, I love you very much!

I hope you felt my love.

How lucky I was to be your daughter!

You made me strong and proud,

I was blessed to have you as my father.

I can’t forget the twinkle in your eyes,

I talk to you through my tears,

Guess I’ve never really said goodbye,

Even after twenty-three years.

The hours were painful and long,

The days since even longer still,

I miss you from the bottom of my heart,

I know I always will.

© Dianna Doles Petry

1/16/2012

After Christmas...

A few decorations still adorn the house,

Ornaments swatted as if each was a mouse,

Needles from the tree all over the floor,

Just cleaning this mess will leave my body sore.

Leftover cookies, eggnog, and cake,

I give them to friends for my own sake,

For my ample assets have expanded enough,

Finding jeans to fit me could become quite tough.

I hate the silence; the music no longer plays,

My family has all gone their separate ways,

They left me with memories I'll forever keep,

Along with gifts; none of them cheap.

The anticipation of that one day,

Leaves me blue when it goes away,

For after Christmas the cheer is not here,

I long for that feeling all through the year.

I hope they didn't see my eyes fill with tears,

As I relived memories from many other years,

When ribbons and bows flew through the air,

When everyone I loved was gathered there.

The day after Christmas is over for me,

Bright red hearts line shelves for lovers to see,

Valentine's Day will soon come and go,

I wonder if we'll have any fresh fallen snow.

A few decorations still adorn my house,

The rooms are so silent I could hear a mouse,

I close my eyes to hear their voices once more,

Blessed to have such love on Christmas and forever more.

© Dianna Doles Petry
12/26/2011

I am Thankful For...

As we approach the annual Thanksgiving holiday here in America most of us have many reasons to be thankful. The country is experiencing a very depressed economy and the holidays are not very appealing to most of us because we are either feeling the pinch ourselves or know someone close to us who is barely surviving. Still, just being here to face the struggle is a blessing to me. I asked a few of my closest friends to put together a list of things they are grateful for this year. Here is my own list.


I am thankful for my family and for my own fairly good health. I have a few medical issues but at the moment none of them are life threatening and I have the strength to care for others in my family less fortunate than myself. In my younger years I would never have understood what a blessing it is to be able to take care of others but now it is the fuel that keeps my body moving and my heart forever filled with contentment. I am thankful to have my mother still here with us against all odds. She will celebrate her 89th birthday on the 26th, God willing.

I am thankful to be gainfully employed at a reputable company. We all have gripes and concerns with our employment but just to have a job in these trying times is a huge blessing. I cannot say that I am always able to pay every bill the moment it arrives but I am able to rest peacefully knowing there is food in the house and the utilities have been covered.

I am thankful for the many friends who encourage me when I feel like giving up, make me laugh when I feel like crying, and uplift me when my legs are failing. There is no one I have ever met who never needs a friend. I try to be a good friend and I have been blessed with the friendship of many in return. While I sometimes say the wrong thing or fail to notice something someone really wants me to acknowledge, it is never done intentionally. I cherish each and every one of you who reaches out to me through daily contact, email, phone calls, occasional jokes, cards, or even just by remembering me in your thoughts and prayers. My heart aches for those who have no one to call a friend.

I am thankful for my vehicle! I made the last payment and it's still running! Seriously, many people take the privilege to drive for granted but I cannot imagine not being able to get to the market, attend conferences, travel back and forth to work, even just get away from my daily life a few hours.

I am thankful that my son has been able to complete college. He has faced many obstacles on the path to adulthood but he has still managed to get out there and live his life. I am also thankful that my daughter has become a woman I am proud of every day. She is strong, determined, and dedicated to making her life the best it can be. Did I mention she is also beautiful? I am also thankful that my son, Cole, has accomplished more than he expected from himself. I may not have had him from the moment of his birth but he is a part of my heart and soul now and he does make me smile...even if I can't always tell him that. (Wouldn't want his head to swell or make him stop trying!)

I am thankful, and I know this one sounds strange, for people like Betty White. This lady just continues to amaze and inspire me. I see many people in their sixties who think it's time to retire and sit on the porch while the big dogs run without them. Betty, on the other hand, is well into her eighties and she takes on new challenges, stretches her wings with creativity, and never uses her age as an excuse not to do anything, well, except maybe bungee jumping.

I am thankful for my pets. They listen to me when I don't feel I can share my thoughts or heart with a human. They never ask for more than I can give and they treasure me above all others for no more than a bowl of food and a warm place to sleep. I really wish more people understood the way pets think and act. Please just don't tell the dogs I was praising the cats. It could get ugly around here!

I am thankful for every man and woman out there putting on a uniform and putting their lives on the line to keep us safe here at home. While others will be enjoying a bountiful Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow these men and women will be on the job. In fact, even when they sleep they are on the ready and fully alert to do whatever it takes to get their job done. I am proud of every one of them as well as the veterans who have already served their country.

Last but not least...well, actually, it is the least....chocolate! If you promise to give me chocolate you don't have to worry about my handgun or my mood!

Sincerely,
Dianna

November 14, 2011

Okay, just for the record, this is not a political statement. This actually happened to me while I was at work last night. I thought you might get a kick out of it.

A dark blue pick-up truck pulled into the lot and came to a stop right beside of the guard house where I was working. A man of about sixty-five to sixty-eight years of age stepped slowly out of the truck as I walked up to ask him the standard questions concerning what business he had at the site, identification, etc. He was a wiry man with white hair, a wispy white goatee and the most inquisitive eyes I have seen on a man of his age. His face was heavily wrinkled but his attitude was definitely that of a much younger man.

"Miss, I was a wonderin' if you all might need any more security guards around here. I have a lot of snow on the roof but there's still plenty of fire in this old furnace!"

I responded by telling him the coal company itself did not hire the guards and gave him the contact information for the security firm that employs us. I also suggested that he might want to do the same type of work in another environment that would be indoors such as a mall or department store.

"I started to stop here a few times to inquire about work but it wasn't 'til tonight that I took the time to come on in here. I saw you walking out there and I just figured you wouldn't shoot me for asking a question. You got far too pretty of a face to be shooting people for asking questions." At that point I was guessing he had been a farmer because he was great at spreading around manure.

I was giggling and the gentleman started to talk about next year's election and how people on social security were finally getting a cost of living increase this coming January. As my mood turned more serious he asked, "I bet you're pretty good in the kitchen ain't ya?"

I answered with, "Well, I do know my way around the kitchen. I can confess to that."

He immediately responded with, "You ever make republican puddin?"

I was back to giggling. "No sir, I can't say that I have."

"Well girl, you take about a cup of boiled white rice and add about a pint of real milk. Don't use that skim milk crap that don't even leave a ring in the glass when you're done. Then you add in about a cup of sugar and some butter. I would say about two heaping tablespoons of butter ought to do the trick. Before you serve it, you mix up some democrat sauce to spoon over it and make the portions small, you wouldn't want to overdo that stuff. It's powerful."

"Democrat sauce, Sir?" I asked.

"I'll explain this a bit more in a minute but I learned this recipe from an old hillbilly. Anyway, to make the democrat sauce you need some good Wisconsin cheese sautéed in prune juice."

"Oh, that doesn't sound good to me!" I complained.

He laughed and said, "It's a sure thing for binding you to the party but keeping you as loose as a goose!"

He took the time to explain that during a previous period of economic distress the government had subsidized Wisconsin dairy farmers and in return had obtained tons of cheese they distributed as commodities to people in need of food stamps. He didn't give me any time to reply as he climbed up into his truck. He was laughing so hard he could barely get himself positioned behind the steering wheel. I watched him until he was out of sight and he was laughing until he was completely out of my view.

I thought this job was going to be boring.......

© Dianna Doles Petry

Thanksgiving 2022

Thanksgiving 2022 "Winston, come into the dining room, it's time to eat," Julia yelled to her husband. "In a minute, honey, it's a tie score," he answered. Actually Winston wasn't very interested in the traditional holiday football game between Detroit and Washington. Ever since the government passed the Civility in Sports Statute of 2017, outlawing tackle football for its "unseemly violence" and the "bad example it sets for the rest of the world", Winston was far less of a football fan than he used to be. Two-hand touch wasn't nearly as exciting. Yet it wasn't the game that Winston was uninterested in. It was more the thought of eating another Tofu Turkey. Even though it was the best type of Veggie Meat available after the government revised the American Anti-Obesity Act of 2018, adding fowl to the list of federally-forbidden foods, (which already included potatoes, cranberry sauce, and mincemeat pie), it wasn't anything like real turkey. And ever since the government officially changed the name of "Thanksgiving Day" to "A National Day of Atonement" in 2020, to officially acknowledge the Pilgrims' historically brutal treatment of Native Americans, the holiday had lost a lot of its luster. Eating in the dining room was also a bit daunting. The unearthly gleam of government-mandated CFL light bulbs made the Tofu Turkey look even weirder than it actually was, and the room was always cold. Ever since Congress passed the Power Conservation Act of 2016, mandating all thermostats - which were monitored and controlled by the electric company - be kept at 68 degrees, every room on the north side of the house was barely tolerable throughout the entire winter. Still, it was good getting together with family. Or at least most of the family. Winston missed his mother, who passed on in October, when she had used up her legal allotment of life-saving medical treatment. He had had many heated conversations with the Regional Health Consortium, spawned when the private insurance market finally went bankrupt,and everyone was forced into the government health care program. And though he demanded she be kept on her treatment, it was a futile effort. "The RHC's resources are limited", explained the government bureaucrat Winston spoke with on the phone. "Your mother received all the benefits to which she was entitled. I'm sorry for your loss" Ed couldn't make it either. He had forgotten to plug in his electric car last night, the only kind available after the Anti-Fossil Fuel Bill of 2021 outlawed the use of the combustion engines - for everyone but government officials. The fifty mile round trip was about ten miles too far, and Ed didn't want to spend a frosty night on the road somewhere between here and there. Thankfully, Winston's brother, John, and his wife were flying in. Winston made sure that the dining room chairs had extra cushions for the occasion. No one complained more than John about the pain of sitting down so soon after the government-mandated cavity searches at airports, which severely aggravated his hemorrhoids. Ever since a terrorist successfully smuggled a cavity bomb onto a jetliner, the TSA told Americans the added "inconvenience" was an "absolute necessity" in order to stay "one step ahead of the terrorists." Winston's own body had grown accustomed to such probing ever since the government expanded their scope to just about anywhere a crowd gathered, via Anti-Profiling Act of 2022. That law made it a crime to single out any group or individual for "unequal scrutiny," even when probable cause was involved. Thus, cavity searches at malls, train stations, bus depots, etc., etc., had become almost routine. Almost. The Supreme Court is reviewing the statute, but most Americans expect a Court composed of six progressives and three conservatives to leave the law intact. "A living Constitution is extremely flexible", said the Court's eldest member, Elena Kagan. "Europe has had laws like this one for years. We should learn from their example", she added. Winston's thoughts turned to his own children. He got along fairly well with his 12-year-old daughter, Brittany, mostly because she ignored him. Winston had long ago surrendered to the idea that she could text anyone at any time, even during Atonement Dinner. Their only real confrontation had occurred when he limited her to 50,000 texts a month, explaining that was all he could afford. She whined for a week, but got over it. His 16-year-old son, Jason, was another matter altogether. Perhaps it was the constant bombarding he got in public school that global warming, the bird flu, terrorism, or any of a number of other calamities were "just around the corner", but Jason had developed a kind of nihilistic attitude that ranged between simmering surliness and outright hostility. It didn't help that Jason had reported his father to the police for smoking a cigarette in the house, an act made criminal by the Smoking Control Statute of 2018, which outlawed smoking anywhere within 500 feet of another human being. Winston paid the $5,000 fine, which might have been considered excessive before the American dollar became virtually worthless as a result of QE13. The latest round of quantitative easing the federal government initiated was, once again, to "spur economic growth." This time, they promised to push unemployment below its years-long rate of 18%, but Winston was not particularly hopeful. Yet the family had a lot for which to be thankful, Winston thought, before remembering it was a Day of Atonement. At least, he had his memories. He felt a twinge of sadness when he realized his children would never know what life was like in the Good Old Days, long before government promises to make life "fair for everyone" realized their full potential. Winston, like so many of his fellow Americans, never realized how much things could change when they didn't happen all at once, but little by little, so people could get used to them. He wondered what might have happened if the public had stood up while there was still time, maybe back around 2011, when all the real nonsense began. "Maybe we wouldn't be where we are today if we'd just said 'enough is enough' when we had the chance," he thought. Maybe so, Winston. Maybe so. Author Unknown but I sure wish it had been me!

Music Review by Chris Petry

The Nightmare Returns: A Review of Alice Cooper’s “Welcome 2 My Nightmare.”

By Chris Petry

            How do you follow up a classic album like Alice Cooper’s 1975 solo debut, Welcome to My Nightmare? Well, I would liken it to 1983’s Psycho II. (Strangely enough a couple of other online reviewers have also used that for comparison.) You have Alfred Hitchcock’s undisputed classic of 1960s horror cinema. It’s a film so well done and memorable that along with Powell’s Peeping Tom, it kicked off a whole new subgenre of horror films. Twenty-three years after Anthony Perkins played Norman Bates, he returned in “Psycho II.” I firmly believe, as do a lot of horror fans that “Psycho II” just might be one of if not the greatest sequel there ever was. It’s only flaw, it’s not the original. The original is better only because there was nothing else like it in the time it was released. It took the world by surprise, it broke taboos, it had us on the edge of our seats, and it will always have a special place in our hearts because of it.

            Welcome 2 My Nightmare is very much like Psycho II. Not in terms of plot or even medium. It’s similar in that had the original not done it first, it would have that place in our hearts the original holds.

            Welcome to My Nightmare featured the classic songs, “Only Women Bleed,” “Cold Ethyl,” The Black Widow,” “Devil’s Food,” “Some Folks,” “Steven,” “Escape,” “Department of Youth,” and the creepy spoken tracks by our protagonist Steven, “The Awakening,” and “Years Ago.” Oh, and don’t forget the title track! Each song worked together to tell us something about Steven. It was Steven’s story; a tale that touched on domestic abuse, childhood abandonment, arachnophobia, necrophilia, escapism, nightmares, and murder. (Pretty progressive for 1975.) From the lyrics of these songs, we learn that Steven is a tormented man child who may have killed his wife without even knowing it. Like Norman Bates, he is hinted to be a schizophrenic. Take for instance the lyrics, “I’m a little boy. No, I’m a great big man.” “I’m a little boy” is said from the perspective of a child, high prepubescent voice included. “No, I’m a great big man,” is bellowed in a deep masculine voice. Steven is haunted by scary dreams of spiders, death, and abuse which give us further evidence that our main character is psychologically damaged. “Escape” is his big sendoff; words that imply that Steven has temporarily awaken from his nightmare and realizes his only option is to run away and disappear. Though we know running isn’t going to solve his mental problems and that’s why, 36 years later, we have a sequel.

            The first track of the new album opens with the familiar eerie keyboard of “Steven” from the original. Then we launch into the new nightmare. One disappointing factor, right off the bat is the fact that they auto-tuned Alice’s vocals for the first verse of the first song, “I am Made of You.” It’s an effect overused in modern music and robs the impact of the first verse’s lyrics. Once you get past it, the song itself is great. It has some great reflective lyrics, a haunting chorus, and awesome instrumentation. Track 2, “Caffeine,” is an infectious hard rocking number with awesome vocal delivery on the chorus. Track 3, is almost like “Awakening.” It is a song with powerful guitar and keyboard work and it also lets us hear from Steven. He’s still having nightmares and in fact, he’s too scared to sleep now because of them, hence his dependence on caffeine.

            Track 4 is where the musical experimentation really kicks off. “A Runaway Train” is a southern rock infused track that features country star Vince Gil on lead guitar. Yeah, it’s strange but this album features a ton of collaborations and one more shocking than Mr. Gil. But for now, we’re on to track 5. “The Last Man on Earth” sounds like a Tom Waits song. Alice even adopts a rough and gruff vocal style for this one. 


Track 6, “The Congregation” makes it clear that we’re actually in hell at this point. Rob Zombie makes an appearance as our tour guide and one of the highlights from his spoken word is when he tells about the boiling pit of death where we can find defrocked priests, pimps, telemarketers, and the guys from Wall Street!


Track 7, already a live favorite, is called “I’ll Bit Your Face Off.” It’s about his romance with an unstable woman and musically it will remind you of a Rolling Stones tune. Track 8 is where things begin to really get weird and I mean that in the best way imaginable. “Disco Bloodbath Boogie Fever,” is a techno, industrial, dance club parody that features lyrics about mowing down the disco with a machine club and stacking their bodies on the dance floor. 


Track 9 is a surf rock, rockabilly, Beach Boys go metal type of song that is musically and lyrically foot-tapping. Track 10, “Something to Remember me By,” was reportedly written by Alice and Dick Wagner in the Alice Cooper Goes to Hell days and it does sound like “I Never Cry” from that album. “When Hell Comes Home” is the first song to feature the original Alice Cooper group since 1974’s Muscle of Love. It is a dark violent song about an abusive father and the little boy “putting one between his eyes.”

            Remember when I said Vince Gill wasn’t the strangest addition to this album? Track 12, “What Baby Wants” is a duet with pop star Ke$ha. Surprisingly, it rocks! Ke$ha’s a sex-starved demon trying to seduce Steven to no avail. “You like my pretty mouth,” she sings. “Yeah but you got razor blades instead of teeth!” Track 13, “I Gotta Get Out of Here,” is Steven recounting the adventures from previous songs and begging to wake up from the nightmare he doesn’t want to finish. A hell choir tells him it’s not a nightmare anymore and that he’s really dead and he’s in hell. The song ends with “yeah, yeah, yeah.” Steven is eternally in denial of his fate. Track 14 wraps up the album with an instrumental amalgam of sounds from every song on both Nightmare  albums.

            Overall, Welcome 2My Nightmare is a great end to Steven. It’s a crazy carnival from hell and I would not expect anything less from the king of shock and horror theatre. If you’re the slightest bit tempted to buy this record, do it! Indulge. The Coop never went away so I can’t say he’s returned. He has, however, made a very good album. Its part rock, pop, metal, southern rock, techno, classical, surf rock, garage rock, glam, rockabilly, and blues. And it’s all Alice. 


Chris Petry offers professional music reviews. His contact information is included if you would like him to complete a review for you or just send him feedback. 

Chris Petry
petry.chris@yahoo.com

Family, Hope, and Memories

Family, Hope, and Memories



This was the first year in many years that I did not plan an elaborate Memorial Day cookout here. I missed the huge gathering but I didn't think my mother could handle all of the confusion and I am preparing to rejoin the work force with a totally unexpected career move so I just didn't have the time to put together a well-organized gathering. My adult children were here for the weekend and we celebrated on a much smaller scale which was very refreshing. As usual, we didn't spend Memorial Day grieving for those who have gone before us; instead we celebrated the good times we had with them and we honor the men and women who made it all possible. Since there were fewer people here this year we had more time to reconnect on a more personal level.

The whole weekend was a mixed bag of celebration and hope. My daughter marked her thirty-first birthday on Memorial Day. Just three weeks ago she went through an In Vitro Fertilization procedure. We sat around my dining room table and talked about how her life would change if she is able to carry a baby and bring new life into our family. We won't know for a few more days whether or not she is pregnant but my thoughts drifted to holding a newborn infant in my arms as I inhaled the scent of baby lotion and baby powders. I remembered my daughter's colic, the car rides at all hours of the day and night to help her sleep, and how many hours I spent rocking her in my arms until my arms felt like lead and my eyes would barely stay open but knowing if I stopped she would awaken again and the tears would be rolling down both of our cheeks. That was over quickly and she soon took her first steps. I needed roller skates to keep up with her but that too ended quickly and she was soon running outdoors to play with her friends. Now she is a business woman with a burning desire to become a mother and share her life with a child of her own. What a blessed child that little baby would be to have my daughter for a mother.

I looked at the spots on the dining table that have been cleaned and polished until there are faded patches that stand out for anyone to see. I thought about heavily laden pans of steaming hot turkey and dressing, plates of cookies, birthday cakes, and baskets of fresh picked summer vegetables that have strained the legs of the table through the years. My children have sat around this table and laughed, cried, done their homework, dreamed of the future, and wished away their youth in eager anticipation of becoming adults capable of driving, setting their own rules, and finding fame and fortune. Now the possibility that another child will share many of the same memories around my dining room table fills me with eager anticipation, joy, and a deeper understanding of my own roots.

It seems like only last year that my son cut out PlayDoh dinosaurs on this table, created works of art with colorful markers, and started to weave together a future filled with creative endeavors. He will be graduating from college in just a few days and I know his visits home will most likely become fewer as his career becomes more challenging and fulfilling. I miss those days of having toddlers hugging me around the knees and hanging on to me as if I was a prized possession. I miss having to make young children stop playing long enough to sit down and have a bite of lunch. I even miss having to remind them that civilized people eat with forks and spoons instead of their fingers when they were in such a hurry they even wanted to eat pasta out of their hand on the way to the back door. I miss it and I would relive every moment of it again if I could.

I miss my father, I miss Kyle, and I miss my grandparents and the uncles and aunts that filled my life. I thought of them all on this Memorial Day weekend. But, I confess, I spent a lot of time thinking of my children and how I felt when they were cuddled in lap, skinning knees, and losing baby teeth. Their problems are much larger now and their smiles don't come as easily but they appear anytime I give them a hug or just tell them how much I love them. I am proud of the adults they have become. They have learned to succeed, learned to cope with obstacles, and learned how to deal with their own heartaches. They have overcome illness, frustrations, and injuries to walk tall and make changes that matter.

I'm not sure how many memories my children are carrying with them but I know I did my best to be supportive, loving, kind, considerate, and teach them how important family is in this world. It was a wonderful weekend and I have only high hopes for the days ahead.

© Dianna Doles Petry



Mother's Day 2011



Mother's Day 2011

A special poem for my children!

On this special day each year,

Cards, flowers, and chocolate appear,

But I want you,my children, to know,

I may not say it enough but I love you so.

Tried to live by the golden rule,

Taught you to never play the fool,

You in turn, taught me to live,

Together we learned how to forgive.

I know there were times you cried,

When you felt scared and confused inside,

Wanted to chase those feelings away,

Wanted to hear your laughter every day.

Sometimes I didn't know what to do,

I held you close and prayed for you,

Tried to show you understanding,

At times I was probally too demanding.

Called your names from our back door,

Swept broken dreams from the floor,

Watched summer sunlight kiss your skin,

How I'd love to do it all again.

I couldn't keep you young forever,

I encouraged your ambitious endeavor,

Now full grown and on your own,

You are the seeds of love I've sown.

I love you!

Mom

© Dianna Doles-Petry

5/7/2011